Different Cultural Values

As Americans, there are some culturally-based values that are instilled in us from the moments we are able to walk, talk, and think. I was unable to see some of these values/ideals until I arrived in a country where they are absent. I don’t mean that Swazi culture lacks value; rather, Swazis have different cultural values than Americans, and as an American that can be confusing and frustrating at times.

Social Empowerment Fuels Accountability

Businesses are held to certain legal codes, but they are also held to certain social codes by the general public. If a bus driver on a San Francisco MUNI line were to start making sexist comments, a server were to refuse to serve a mixed race couple on a date, or a school were to refuse to admit a same-sex couple to the prom, then there would be consequences. People would take to social media and the issue would go viral. This would put pressure on the business to fire the offending employee, make necessary policy changes, and/or make a public statement. That sort of behavior simply doesn’t fly.

I have been on buses where the driver was two hours late to pick up the route. I have been on khumbis (15-seater vans) where the driver was drunk. I have been charged more in markets because I am white. I have been harassed by a bus conductor (the one who collects the money) to marry her son. Can I publish this on Facebook and expect real change?

Most rural Swazis do not have Facebook, email, or even internet access. When our community’s bus is two hours late or decides to just not run that day, community members accept it and hitchhike to town or just go home and wait for tomorrow. They do nothing. They say nothing. The bus company will never change. Swazis do not have the empowerment to take to the internet, but even if they did they may not have the means. Companies do not face accountability from their customers.

Accepting Personal Responsibility and Remedying the Problem

My 16-year-old bhuti (brother) was visiting my hut one night. He saw that I had a new candle and candle holder, and he picked the candle itself up. The holder stuck to it, and then fell off and shattered all over my floor. His response? “Oh, sorry, sisi. I’ll clean it up.” He did clean it up, but I had to replace the candle holder myself.

Americans take personal responsibility and work to fix a problem. If, in our college apartment, I were to have broken Kelli’s coffee machine, I would have had a responsibility to tell her, apologise, and purchase her a new one. I would have felt guilty for not fulfilling that responsibility, and she would have been angry at me for shirking this particular obligation.

Swazis do not have this sense. I have seen people show up an hour late to the scheduled bus times (which, granted, are a bit arbitrary) and then say that the bus left them when they realize that it is gone. I would say that I missed the bus. Blame shifting is very common here, or simply not taking responsibility is also very common.

When my beloved 6-year-old Macbook broke, I was devastated, and immediately contacted my family to make a contingency plan to obtain a new computer. We knew that we would be responsible if the computer was stolen in shipping. I know that Apple would be responsible if I brought it to them for repair and they broke it further. Here, if I were to take it for repair and it were to be broken further (which is likely what would happen), I would again get “Oh, sorry, sisi. It broke itself. Here it is,” as a response. I would hold the responsibility for a mistake that was not mine.

This value is one of my biggest struggles here. My parents always taught me that it’s not the mess you make, it’s the way you deal with it that matters. I cannot trust that people were raised that way here. Every time someone asks to borrow my laptop, camera, iPod, headphones, or other expensive device, I know there is a good chance that if I give it to them it will come back broken and will never be replaced. My refusal to loan things out is met with frustration, anger, and coldness. I’m seen as stingy, when I’m really just protecting my assets.

The Right to Privacy

What is your religion? Why don’t you have kids? Why aren’t you married? Have you ever had sex? The hair on my head matches my pubic hair; does yours? Do you hate black people? Can I marry one of your brothers? How much money do you make? How big is your house? Do you have a trust fund?

If I asked any one of those questions back home to a stranger I was passing on the street, I can guarantee it would not be well received. These are all questions that have been asked to me or other volunteers on a routine basis by people we have never met before, and we cannot refuse to answer. I tried that approach, and the people asking just get more persistent. One even grabbed my arm so I could not walk away without answering.

We have to lie. I have tried saying that I am Catholic, and immediately people tried to convert me. That is not an acceptable answer. I have tried asking why I would come to Swaziland if I hate black people, but that approach does not work and is brushed off. I tell the women who ask to marry Cameron and Connor that they have to ask them and not me, which just makes them mad. When I explain the actual size of my house and that we only have one house on our “homestead,” I get called a liar. The people who ask know what they want to hear, and they will not leave without an answer that they like.

Men and Women May Be Different, but Women are Still People

Three volunteers (2 female, 1 male) were riding on a khumbi. A man approached the male volunteer and asked, “Are they for sale? I would like to buy one.” He was not referring to physical possessions or cattle or chickens; he was referring to the women. Naturally, all three were offended, but the man did not understand why.

I get proposed to every single day. It’s rarely a question. Hey, white girl, I will marry you. How many cows do you cost? I want to put a baby in you. I will love you quickly (that’s my favorite). Those are just some examples. I told one persistent man that I was already married, and he responded: “Shem, sisi. Let’s have sex and cheat on your husband. Then you and I can kill him so no one will know.” I don’t think I have ever moved so quickly onto a bus in my life!

Men can divorce women for not producing children, practicing witchcraft, committing adultery, and a few other things. Women cannot divorce men; it’s illegal in Swazi culture. Women cannot own property. If a man divorces a woman, her family has to pay back the dowry and he gets to keep all the children. Polygamy is legal. Women must wear skirts to hide their thighs, otherwise men cannot help themselves and may rape them (this was news about a year ago, and you can still find the articles about the King banning miniskirts). Women must do all the cooking, cleaning, washing, child raising, and working. Men control the money and do not have to work. In fact, it’s offensive to ask a man to do anything other than sit and drink. It is legal for men to beat their wives.

In the traditional Swazi marriage, women are surprised. They are pulled from their beds at the coldest hour of the night, stripped naked, brought to a kraal (where cattle are kept), soaked with water, and insulted by watching villagers until they cry. Once they have cried long enough, they are married.

This is my hardest daily struggle. When men propose, they are not taking into account the fact that I am a thinking, feeling, and intelligent human being. I want to slap them and scream, “I have a college degree! I’m published in several journals and I worked like a dog to get there! I spent a year applying to get here! I left everything behind so that I could serve your country! TREAT ME LIKE A HUMAN!” Most of these men wouldn’t care about any of that. My career doesn’t matter. My duty is to produce children and serve my husband, and being unmarried at 23 is a crime.

For those women who choose to be stay-at-home moms, that is their choice. I love that women in America have the choice. Women here in the rural areas cannot choose whether or not to cook or stay home or only have 2 children. They are forced into a certain lifestyle.

Success is Earned, Not Given

I’m going to ask that political opinions of Americans stay out of this one. What I mean is that the American dream of starting with nothing and working your way up is still alive. CEOs clawed their way to the top of the company. Rock stars started out playing in empty clubs until they hit the big time. Teachers were once students. Epidemiologists had to survive more semesters of math than humans should be subjected to. Doctors practiced injections on each other and stayed up all night many nights studying. Researchers submitted their articles to a hundred journals to find the one that would publish them. Maybe those people inherited a legacy, but their parents still had to carve the path at one point.

Here, there is a serious problem with dependency and communal property. Nothing is ever truly yours, which makes even successful people struggle as their friends and family come around demanding money. People walk up to me and ask me for 10 rand or for a meal or to pay for their bus fare. They see a white person, associate me with wealthy donors, and expect that I have a responsibility to give them what I have. Not only is my money and property communal, I must be rich and that’s not fair. Usually I just say no and walk away, but I’ve been getting a bit sassy lately.

A man walked up to me in Manzini. He was drinking a Coke. He starts telling me how hungry he is and pleading for food. I tell him I’m hungry too, and that’s why I’m going to spend my 5 rand on food and not on a Coke. He should have done the same. That actually got him to walk away.

Critical Thinking Skills Should Be Used Every Day

My ceiling rafters are really really high. I needed to hang my mosquito net. After struggling, I came up with the answer. I tied my keys around a rope and threw them over the rafters. Their weight pulled the rope down and I hung my net. My windows don’t close all the way, so a lot of bugs crawl in. I cut up an old mosquito net and made window screens. My walls are too high for my paint roller, so I taped it to the handle of a mop to reach the ceiling. This is problem solving. This is critical thinking.

My family told me I’d have to buy a ladder to hang the net. They said that I’d have to learn to deal with the bugs. They said I’d need either a man or a ladder to paint.

I’m not saying that Swazis don’t have critical thinking skills. I’m saying that identifying the opportunity for problem solving is challenging for many of the ones I know. Americans work with what we have to get the job done. Swazis tend to go without, call World Vision to buy them something new (I dislike World Vision passionately), or find some elaborate way to fix a simple problem. Creativity is not encouraged in schools and neither is critical thinking. It makes a huge difference.

There are many more things I could say, but this post is long enough already. There are values in Swazi culture that are missing from American culture, but as I’ve only been here 6 months I’m not quite prepared to write about that yet.